Goodbye Mr Grimshout

Sometimes, even the most insignificant of people can have a major impact on the school environment.

A while ago a student informed me that ‘Little Charlie Bucket has been missing for three days.’ I hadn’t noticed and I didn’t really care so I strode onwards trying to shake the little informer off. He was a resilient fellow though, and he kept pace with me.
‘He walked home with Mr. Grimshout and hasn’t been seen since’ he continued.
‘Everyone is worried. Mr Grimshout probably killed him.’
I told him not to be so stupid and left him to his fantasies.

A couple of days passed and there was still no sign of Little Charlie Bucket. Everyone concerned was convinced that Mr. Grimshout had ‘rumped’ him by the canal and then disposed of the body.
Foolishly I inquired what exactly ‘rumping’ was and was told that it was a new word to described being anally raped when you secretly enjoyed it. That’ll teach me to be nosy; there are some things Man was not meant to know (to paraphrase Mary Shelley or, at least, an old Hammer film).

I did my best to quash these false rumours and moved on.
But I began to wonder……..

Now, Mr. Grimshout is a decent sort but he is very fierce with the students and they don’t like it. They wind him up mercilessly knowing that, although the volume of his ranting will rise far enough for the room and the corridor it’s in to shake, he is still essentially powerless to do anything to them for their disgusting behaviour. Eventually Mr. Grimshout’s shouting will reach a never-before-attained volume and the scumbags will have won their game. Their laughter will rise above even Mr. Grimshout and stay there until another member of staff arrives to take control.

Mr. Grimshout is certainly a volatile man who has a short fuse.
Could he have killed Little Charlie Bucket? I’ve certainly considered doing so on more than one occasion and if I was volatile……?
No! It’s ridiculous.
But still, maybe I should mention it to someone?

I find Little Charlie Bucket’s Form Tutor and explain what I’ve heard. She’s heard it too and we exchange a look. I didn’t get the reassuring denial I was expecting. She doesn’t know where Little Charlie Bucket is either. She’s heard that he was ‘rumped’ by Mr. Grimshout. She knows it’s ridiculous. But, still……….

We wonder and we wait.

Fate, in the form of Carnt B. Arsed, takes a hand.
During one of Mr. Grimshout’s rants Carnt B. Arsed stands up, points an accusing finger and shouts, ‘You rumped Little Charlie Bucket and threw his body into the canal!’

What follows is not at all pleasant; tempers are lost and Mr. Grimshout takes a bit of a break from teaching. Everyone is convinced that this is a just reward for the cruel way he ended the life of Little Charlie Bucket.

Except Little Charlie Bucket himself who turns up one morning a couple of days after the furore has died down. He was away with his family who hadn’t bothered to tell anybody.
Nobody cares, to the student masses he is a hero, he got rid of Mr. Grimshout, he was directly involved in the discovery of a new and unpleasant word and he is now famous for ever more.

Little Charlie Bucket is pleased he’s a hero, but a bit bemused by the whole thing and reticent about where exactly he and his family were.
Strangely, he has developed an awkward way of walking.
What if?……….